Boredom, The Most Explosive Curse
by Baka of the Funk
Summary: Boredom plus destruction equals explosions. Just take the Mabudachi Trio's word for it. Now with *random percentage* more crack. In other words, it's being continued. Yay.
1. This is why I'm hot

"Aaya, I'm boooored."

The sentence that started it all. It was a rare day when all three of the Mabudachi Trio were alone in Shigures house, no work to be done, and quite frankly, it was dull. By the fifth cup of coffee, Shigure couldn't take it anymore and asked Ayame (On his sixth cup) the fated question.

"Me too. Wanna do something mildly destructive?" Aaya has a manic twinkle in his eye that Hatori knew from experience didn't fare well. As bored as he was, he didn't feel like covering for his friends' idiocy.

"No destruction. After the stunt you pulled with that bus, I swore I wouldn't bail you out of jail again."

"Haa-san's no fun. We've got two hours until the kids get home." Shigure pouted, trying to appeal to Hatori with his trademark Puppy Dog Eyes.

"Yes, all I had in mind was spray painting Kyonkichi's room and belongings and maybe reading his love-love diary."

Hatori sweatdropped as he tried resisting two pairs of The Eyes.

Ten seconds and still going strong, though the 'if you can't see them, they can't persuade you' approach was sort of failing.

Fifteen seconds. Now, they had invaded his bubble, and two grown men with identical pitiful expressions less than three inches away from his face was downright disturbing.

"Fine. Only, you stick to painting the walls - move his belongings somewhere else or cover them up. And don't invade his privacy, or I will erase your memories. And I had nothing to do with it - you didn't destroy his junk out of the goodness in your hearts."

Their eyes glazed over with happiness as Hatori lit up another cigarette.

--

Ayame and Shigure stand in the middle of Kyo's room, obviously intending to go against Hatori's guidelines.

"First - the diary!"

It took a while to find it, but Shigure found it while lying on the floor about to admit defeat when he saw a book underneath the wardrobe. He reached for it and held it up in glory after glancing at the front.

Ayame clapped his hands in delight and the men sat down on the matress and opened it. On the first page was written:

_Shigure and/or Ayame - _

_I knew one day you'd try to find my diary, but guess what?_

_I don't have one :D_

_But so you wouldn't think your searching was a waste, I planted this one._

_Kyo_

_p.s.: I hope it took a long time to find._

_p.p.s.: I found the damn rat's diary, if you want to read it - it's under his bed. There's some pretty interesting stuff in there._

"We'll have to find that one later in the name of finding out more about by beloved younger brother."

"Yes. Now," Shigure whips two cans of spray paint out of nowhere and throws one to his friend. "for decorating!"

Ayame proceeded to spray 'Kyonkichi-kun' many times on a wall in green paint, while on the opposite wall, Shigure grafittied a multitude of things, such as 'Kyo loves Tohru' and 'Yuki's slave' in blue.

On the third wall, they teamed up to create a mural of a chibi cat lying down, presumably dead, with a chibi rat standing on top, victorious.

"Finally, the mindless destruction. 'Gure, do you have... them?"

Shigure smiled creepily and pulled a bundle of fireworks out of his yukata.

"Indeed I do. Do you want to do the honours?"

He holds out a lighter to his friend, who snatches it. Shigure holds the fireworks as Ayame attempts to light them.

**Click. **

Hatori had been listening for the noise of a lighter being used.

**Click.**

This was his cue to stop his friends from blowing the house up.

**Click.**

"Aha! Got it."

The firework was now lit and Shigure was about to drop it and flee, but he turned around and promptly hid the explosives in his yukata, stuffing them in his underwear. A stupid move, but Hatori was in front of them, and very angry.

"I saw that, you know. And you _do_ realize that those fireworks are gonna bow up in your pants."

"..."

Oh.

Shizz.

**_Boom_**

_**

* * *

**_******Don't ask why, but I had an urge to write something containing fireworks down somebody's pants... yeeaah. **

**Muffyn-chan**


	2. Death of an annoyance

**Okay, so I had a really good idea for this story, so I'm continuing it. Unfortunately, that bit won't be until the next chapter, so you'll have to settle for this mediocrity until I finish chapter three. Shouldn't take long; am in the middle of a flashback.**

* * *

Tohru, Kyo and Yuki were in their last class of the day, maths.

The girl was steadily working through the problems, with aid of Uo whenever necessary. Hana was no help, so whenever Uo wasn't helping Tohru, she was giving the answers to their other friend. Their idiot-proof system had stood the test of time (going on four years) and it wasn't about to let them down any time soon.

Yuki, of course, had already finished and had his head laid upon the desk, his 'something-bad-and-possibly-Aaya-related sense' tingling and draining him of his will to live. (Similarly, across the hall, Kakeru had the feeling that the Commander was doing something awesome and punched his hand in the air, crying, "YEAH!".) The silver haired boy didn't know this yet, but when he would lift his head, one side of his face would be covered in writing.

Kyo was just refusing to do the work - fractions and percentages are almost as bad as leeks. Like Yuki, he was inexplicably pissed at Shigure and Ayame. But that was normal. What wasn't normal was the fact that the cats had learned to scale walls and were yowling and scratching at the windows (which he just so happened to be sat next to) while the school caretaker tried to knock the cats off with a broom from his ladder, glaring at Kyo all the while. But unfortunately for the both of them, it was as if the cats were superglued to the windowsill.

Then, it happened.

_**BOOM.**_

The explosion from Shigures fireworks may have been impossibly over exaggerated, but it still managed to rattle the windows of Kaibara High. The caretaker fell from his ladder to the ground, students watching from their classrooms as he twitched his last.

From the teacher's desk, Mayuko-sensei sighed and snapped her book shut.

"Just go home, would you?"

-

Inside the house, the damage wasn't as bad as you'd have thought. Hatori and Ayame had merely been pushed into Yuki's room by the blast.

As Ayame continued to lie on the floor, lifting his legs up and down... up and down... up and... wait- What's that under the bed?, Hatori got up, brushed himself off and went to check on Shigure.

He noted that the wallpaper on the landing had been peeled off ('_Good, it was horrible._')and in Kyo's doorway, everything was a bit singed.

On the floor lay Shigure, yukata on fire, a big hole over his crotch. Or at least where his crotch _used_ to be. Hatori wasn't even going to think about it any more until they got back to the main house. And so he hauled him up over his shoulder and walked down the stairs with a grace ill-fitting the situation.

"Ayame." he called impassively from the bottom. "Little help?"

"CO~MING!" he trilled. He stuck his hand under his brothers bed, feeling around for a book.

Socks, magazine (this is where Ayame chuckled to himself, even though it was a gardening magazine), toothbrush (?), book!

He pulled the object out, only to find it was titled 'Dysfunctional Families and How to Deal With Them (Without Getting a Prison Sentence)'. Ayame frowned and tossed it aside. He reached under once more, locating another book shaped object. 'Yuki's Diary' read the title of this one. '_Bingo~_'

He practically flew down the stairs, past Hatori and out of the front door, waving his quarry in the air. Satisfied, Hatori followed, pausing only when his friend's head hit the top of the doorframe.

"I CALL SHOTGUN!" Ayame called from outside the passenger door.

Hatori ignored him as he bundled Shigure into the back seat. He was _this_ close to bunging him in the boot of the car, but wisely he decided against it.

Ayame would get jealous.

-

Walking home with Tohru, Yuki could have sworn he saw Hatori's car drive past, his brother leaning out the window, waving at him. But since he was in a fairly good mood, he chose to pretend it was a hallucination. The class had been let out early, There would be no School Council all week and the cat had ran ahead to escape the army of feline stalkers, leaving him and Tohru to walk in peace. What more could he want?

"Was that Ayame-san and Hatori-san in that car?" Tohru asked him, having seen the same not-sight as he.

"Nope."

"Ah, it must have been another silver haired man with your brother's haircut in the same make car as Hatori-san." she nodded, totally serious. Yuki said nothing and carried on walking, acting as though he wasn't bothered in the slightest.

-

"HAH! TAKE THAT, FURBALLS!" Kyo yelled at the woods, pointing into the undergrowth.

Turning around, towards the house, he noticed that the door was wide open. This ruined his happy time. Majorly. He stormed up to the house, taking his shoes off as he yelled,

"SHUT THE DAMN DOOR IDIOT."

No reply.

"Shigure?" He entered the house, sniffing the air. It wasn't a nice smell. He proceeded to coughhackwheeze. "What did you set on fire this time?" You could hear the glare in his voice.

Still no reply.

"Fine then bastard, ignore me."

He carried on storming up to his bedroom.

This is where he _really_ got pissed.

"SHIGURE! GRAHH!"

Indeed, he was so angry, his schoolbag spontaneously combusted. Leaving the paper to fall to the floor in flames, he stood twitching, surrounded by a ring of fire.

He stayed like that for what could have been five minutes (the bed had not caught fire yet after all), until the accusatory accusation of "!!!?! !!! !!!! !?" was yelled at him from downstairs. As Yuki followed the previously unnoticed smeared blood and dents in the wall up the stairs, demanding an explanation, Kyo balled his fist and walked through the wall of fire and barged past Yuki, who had reached the scene of chaos.

It was his problem now.

"My... My room..." Yuki squinted at the pile of things that used to be under his bed.

"Diary-chan?!"

-

Outside, Tohru waited patiently, twiddling her thumbs and staring blankly at the _still _wide open door.

Yuki, who was infinitely more perceptive than Kyo and had noticed the subtle signs of danger (for example, a DOOM sign pitched in the middle of his carrots, a thin spire of smoke rising from the chimney and the fact that they had a chimney), had left her with the instructions Stay There, Stay Still and Don't Say Anything.

Just in case.

So Stay There, Stay Still and Don't Say Anything she did. When Kyo stepped into the doorway, she carried on staring.

When his expression changed from batshit angry to mildly pertubed, she still continued.

When he slowly took a few steps back, then ran into the kitchen like a real man, she was confused and followed him.

Through the kitchen window, she saw him eating a jam sandwich, still feeling rather violated. The phone began to ring. He ignored the phone. Tohru could hear it through the glass and tapped on the window. Kyo's face drooped even more, but made no move to answer.

Tohru held up a sign that read:

'Is anyone going

**DOOM**

to answer that?'.

Kyo's hand subconsciously twitched in the direction of the phone, before catching himself and angrily biting the sandwich.

'Pick up the

phone!'

She had written on the back of the sign and was 7.5/1000 away from losing her temper.

'Pick up the

phone! D:'

Kyo sighed and set his sandwich down, slamming the phone against his face.

Tohru winced for him.

-

When Yuki had given up saving the house and Tohru had drifted into the kitchen, Kyo pressed the end call button, tossed the phone onto the counter where his sandwich lay and sighed again. He looked up.

"Shigure's dead." he announced. They froze, silence blowing the fire out upstairs.

Tohru paled and began to cry while Yuki's eyes widened.

"What happened?"

"He... He _blew_ his _cock _off."

"..."

"..."

"..." Kyo agreed.

"Eh?"

Tohru paused her sniffling. "Poor Shigure... Why did his rooster have to die as well?" She burst into tears once more.

Yuki shared a grimace with Kyo.

_

* * *

_**Heh, it's been so long since I wrote this that I completely forget what happened in this chap. Not my best, but still good. Well, in my opinion but that's a little biased -.-"**

**Reviews won't get me to update quickly, but it won't hurt either.**

**Later.**


	3. The best laid plans are insane

**This is probably the quickest I've ever updated, you know. Then again, the past one and a half chapters have been rotting in a folder on my memory stick since... at least November. Yeah, just checked the 'last modified' thingy on last chapter - 17th Novemer 2009, 11:52. Woooooow. ****Can't believe I remembered that. And you don't really care, either, do you? (I'll tell you all how I knew it was November anyway: everyone apart from my science class was doing an exam (haha, suckers) and we were in a computer room and I showed my friend .) **

******Anyway, the first half of this chapter is based off an episode of Scrubs and the rest is building up the the whole plot idea I had . Although, the bit that made me want to carry on is the Scrubs bit, so meh.**

******Thank you, osaka-chan4, firstly for reviewing, but also for reminding me about Shi-chan's 'rooster' XD Because I totally forgot a funny little idea there.**********

******Enjoy ^^**

* * *

The day of the funeral dawned, but Tohru was the only one weeping. Everyone else was on edge, for said funeral was being held in the main house and Akito wasn't there. This could only mean doom was approaching and DAMN! was it pissed off.

"Party all the time! Paaartaaaay aaaall the tiiii~iiime!" the conveniently placed gospel choir sung, as the cheerful minister skipped forward.

"Shigure left only two requests." he said slowly, still bopping to the imaginary beat of the song. "One was that we played this song and the other that he got a last hug from each of you."

The casket opened, revealing Shigure, arms outstretched and mouth pulled up into a horrific smile.

Ayame was the first in line for the posthumous hug-fest.

"Aaya, stop humping the corpse." Hatori deadpanned, not even bothering to waste energy on face palming.

Several awkward moments later, the doors at the back of the room slid open and the dark-haired woman slumped against the wood.

"Shi... Shigure..."

She staggered forwards, pushing Tohru into the cake face-first as she used her to keep herself upright.

When the hysterical woman reached the body, she grasped him tightly with her bony arms.

"You were the only one I never faked it with..."

"Double-eww tee eff, hoar?" Akito exclaimed from the entrance, the emo wind that always seemed to follow the family head blowing a couple of (black) leaves around her. She glided along her mother's path, nodding appreciatively at the girl still face down in the cake. ("Nice work, bitch.")

Akito proceeded to drop-kick Ren out of the way and take her turn hugging the cadaver.

"You bastard."

Suddenly, his eyes flicked open and his arms grabbed her, pulling her even closer.

"I knew you loved me, I always knew it. I-"

Akito reached into a pocket hidden in her kimono and pulled out a gun, 'busting a cap' into the buttocks of the seemingly revived Shigure.

"W... Worth it..." he gurgled as he hit the floor.

-

"And then they'd have my real funeral." Shigure said out of the blue to the gathered family. Hatori, who had been explaining the situation to them all in the overcrowded kitchen of the House Where It All Began (Ayame had insisted this would be better for security), while the 'victim' in question got distracted squinted as he tilted his head to the side uncharacteristically.

"Are you an idiot?"

"No, sir. I'm a dreamer." he replied, mock outraged.

"A...ah, but that doesn't explain how you are alive..." Tohru piped up,

"I wasn't listening when dear old Akii-chan's dad was explaining it to us, but he said something about near death experiences releasing the curse. Something about them scaring the fuzzy little bastards away." he replied off-handedly.

-FLASHBACK-

_Hatori, Shigure, Ayame and a much younger Kureno sat on Akito's dad's porch. In the background, they could hear the steady thunking of the thing-that-goes-doink and the unnerving squawk of a bird that flew into a windscreen. Kureno was torn between going to help and staying under Akito's dad's unfocused stare. Wisely, he stayed, for the man looked as though he was about to impart great wisdom._

"_Remember, near death experiences release the curse. Something about them scaring the fuzzy little bast- I mean, critters, away." he told them sagely._

-END FLASHBACK-

Shigure sat back in his seat, stroking an imaginary beard, nodding. "That sounds about right."

Rin huffed impatiently, fiddling with the handle of her teacup. "I call bullshit. If it was true, Akito would have freed us all from the curse fifteen times over."

Ayame laughed condescendingly as he patted her shoulder, stopping only when Kisa bit him on the arm. As he clutched it in melodramatic agony, Rin patted her on the head and gave her a fiver.

"Ah yes, as I was saying-" Ayame said, forgetting about the bite marks momentarily. "Akito cannot be the cause of death; I mean, what kind of God wants its people dead?"

The family contemplated the irony of the statement in silence.

"I am curious, however," Hatsuharu began calmly. "As to what happened to your di-" Yuki swiftly clamped a hand over his mouth.

"Not in front of the children!" he hissed. Kisa rolled her eyes.

"I knew what he was going to say, nii-chan." she said softly. ("She better hadn't have..." muttered Hiro.)

"Oh, I was referring to Honda-san actually."

As this conversation took place, Ritsu panicked. Sweat beaded on his forehead as he glanced around the room. He knew they all knew, and they were judging him for not being able to say it. Well, he'd show them.

"I'M SO SORRY, THE OPERATION WAS GOING TO TAKE PLACE ANY DAY SO I DIDN'T NEED MINE AND-" His outburst was interrupted by an embarrassed Shigure, who pulled his younger cousin back into his seat as the rest of the room stared.

Kyo looked as though he wanted to vomit. Indeed, he snatched Yuki's teacup out of his hands and emptied the contents of his stomach into it.

"Oh gross, we have to clean this up you bastard!" Yuki complained.

"You know what's 'gross'?" Hatori asked monotonously . "Being the surgeon for _that_ operation. You have no room to complain."

"But-"

"No room." he affirmed.

Tohru was lost in thought. She wanted to free the Sohmas of the curse, did she not? Knowing the only way to do so was to kill them, did she still want to? And if so, could she?

But this was her chance to save Kyo from the assorted nasties Akito had lined up for him, her chance to absolve Yuki from his responsibilities as the rat of the zodiac, to let Shigure become the loveable pervert he had always wanted to be.

She opened eyes filled with new resolve.

She would end the curse.

She would kill them.

She would kill them all.

...

Wait, what?

* * *

**Eh, that was a lame ending. But can't you just see MassMurderer!Tohru? **

**Yeah, I have issues. And I don't actually know what absolve means. Just heard my English teacher use it . It sounds like dissolve, and it would be cool to dissolve.. people... eh... I'll shut up now...**

**Also, Google Chrome is awesome: I buggered up and did something to the page without saving the authors note up at the top and it let me go back and not have to type it all out again. I would have cried if I'd had to T-T **

**-Scurries away to think of ideas for everybody's violent fake deaths- **


End file.
